I really really get on with my mum.👭
We are super close and I have always felt safe to tell her anything and everything about my life (which at times, in my wildness, must have given her panic attacks and premature grey hairs😉 🙂 )
We never fight.
But there are times when she rings and tells me about her friend’s husband who got this affliction or chronic disease and had to change his diet and I should be doing *that*
Or she cuts out articles about eating in her newspaper and brings the clippings to me to read 😕
Or she arrives at my house with food FOOD FOOOOOD…. 😬
I want to yell and scream and scream and SCREAM and say
LOOK AT ME!!!
I AM NOT ANOREXIC ANYMORE.
I AM HEALTHIER THAN THE MAJORITY OF THE PLANET.
LOOK. AT. MEEEEE.
But instead, I hang up the phone and then I fume in outrage for a bit.
Its taken me THIS long in my life to finally get past my fume…. and see something that has been in front of me all along…
Anorexia didn’t just harm and affect me.
It broke something in my mum. 💔
She has never been able to let go of the fear of her precious daughter fading away right in front of her eyes.
This understanding on my part has had a massive impact on the way that I now deal with the phone calls… 📞
(and newspaper clippings) 📰
(and the free food)🍔🍳🍰🍩🍬🍝🍟🍕
She is locked in a fear and worry cycle.
No matter how much I show I eat…
and have a healthy relationship with food and my body…
and have children who have healthy relationships with food and their bodies…
She is unable to really see it and let it go.
Its not for me to force her to let it go.
Because I am ready… does it mean she must be?
To be fair, I am the reason this fear cycle began in the first place… and it is for me to have compassion and care when she raises her hand to be heard.🙇❤
So often when there is a crisis in our family, we focus on the problem to the detriment of ourselves AND the others near us.
And when the crisis is over, the aftershocks resound far and wide.💔💔💔
In every war there will be casualties.
Sometimes when we are in the trenches, we struggle to see the real reason for the actions taken of those around us.
It takes effort to step out and look and try to understand why they are behaving the way they are.
It takes big effort to realise that its not always about US and sometimes the actions of those around us are completely and utterly in reaction to their world… and not ours….❤❤❤